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August 14th, 2012

I have been waaaaaaaaaay outofcharacter chatty as of late. Well, this week. Like leaving Asks and Comments and PMs and stuff…

I slept the year away but I think I'm ready to take my lives back. Yes, both online and real life. But I don't know. It seems a little bit clearer now as to where I'm headed but I don't know.

June 29th, 2011

here instead



so i've already turned off my computer but i just had to turn it on again. i can't sleep. i've thoughts in my head and well you know how it goes with thinking especially in the late/early hours and well... i finally realized, really really realized this time what i've been completely blind to and missing this whole effing time, possibly been ignoring too. i know what's been messing everything up, as much as i can hold one thing responsible for a load of stuff anyway...

one | i really need to believe in myself again.
i know people believe in me. they've said as much and well yes, i'm going to go and nod okay? i'm going to believe that. part of what got me to here but that's another story so anyways...yes. but you see it is of utmost importance that I have to too and that's where we've been having problems yes...

two | i need to be able to rely on myself again.
because well... i'm thinking i don't. not really. haven't really been dependable and reliable as of late. for me. not the case with persons other than me. well, i don't think but i could be wrong.

three | i need to be able to accomplish things for and by myself again.
it's...a self efficacy thing.  i sigh. i detest my writing for one, not that i've had any lately...ugh

i will. i will. i will write the poison away.

i lost the nerve and posted here instead. well, i was going to post it anyway. but tumblr? nuh uh. no more. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT.

March 3rd, 2011

(no subject)

so i know i said things about drowning...

best forget that.

i've changed my mind and i'm setting this world on fire.

February 28th, 2011


if it doesn't happen, it'd be my own fault. as always. so there.

February 20th, 2011

(no subject)

oh but dearest?

i can't wait to get rid of you! hurry it up, i'd love to say bye already.

- she who's had enough

January 31st, 2011

3 weeks

14 school days left and all this is done? frankly, i'm terrified.

November 17th, 2010

the lottery


one of these days, i will win.

seriously, the things i believe in.
so i asked the wall clock if i was going to win. it said yeah so i texted my sister so she could make 'taya' kasi diba almost .5 billion pesos na. i could totally rent out the cinema for a whole day for a private screening of the Deathly Hallows.

anyway...nope. didn't happen. still though, maybe because it wasn't me who made the 'taya' and chose the numbers? haha and i was the one who asked the all knowing-wall clock?

maybe next time i should use the divining rods? just as soon as i procure them of course...

tomorrow will be something else. i feel like watching Deathly Hallows will change my life-me in some way, some extent. i mean Harry Potter is a big contributor to the I that i am today. if it never existed...let's just say i'm hella glad it exists. epilogue not included. we keep it D/G here. always.

having something to look forward to is always somewhat of a good thing, i guess...

on the org front: better
on acads: i said i was backing away from the edge but why am i walking down where the tipping point is again?
on life: yeah... still here aren't i

November 9th, 2010

escape routes


i suppose that yes
i'm on a ride
i'm not aboard a ship or a boat though
and there are
no well marked exits
no arrows pointing to escape routes
no such things
cause from where i'm sitting
i'm feeling sick,
my head heavy,
my thoughts scattered,
and i just want to vomit
(i don't want to deal with this)
yes, it's quite a disaster.

then again escape to where?
to what state?
there outside
there is only the sky
and its beloved sea
eternities and infinities that i
don't quite desire

i think i'd rather drown.

to do that though
i'd have to stand,
a bit difficult now,
and i just cant locate
those gods damned doors

so i'll suck it up
hell maybe i wont wake up 

October 30th, 2010

freak out

Oh my gawd. Nanowrimo is almost here and I just remembered now and  I have so many things left to do damn it. And my laptop's iffy on me too. Of all times!

Org work. letters. letters. projects. people. follow-ups. These are the times when I wish I could communicate like a normal person would which is to communicate. No stupid 'Don't text me!' 'Don't talk to me' 'Don't email me!' drama because i'm just bad at talking to people. Or rather getting round to talking, replying, that kind of thing...

Damn it Shyni I totally had no plans of getting a new laptop but did you have to flake on me now?

What do I do about nano? It's my first one and I wanted to go into it with a plan but well thing's never go as planned. Not when i plan it anyway... 

September 7th, 2010

I can't imagine it and I find myself not wanting to be any other way anyway. Every piece (in no way restricted to fanfiction alone though) comes at its own opportune time. .Maybe that's just me romanticizing the experience then again maybe not. Each one is different and each leaves me with something unique. Sometimes what I discover are novel things; new ideas i've never even thought of, perspectives i've never explored and those are always thrilling - exciting. Other times, I find myself with something familiar and that's comforting, something I always find myself looking for and wanting to return to. It's a combination really. It's fantastical and whimsical at the same time educational and practical. I'm not even really sure if those are at odds with the others but that isn't really the point... the point is...well, I'm not actually certain. I don't know why and I can't really explain it but it'll always be something significant these bits of fiction( that are not entirely fiction in my opinion) that people share of themselves.

Why am I writing this? I felt compelled to do so I guess though not in a negative way. Inspired might be a more apt term. Maybe.
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